I am saying “My” because in 2002 I’ve painted this ‘charming’ character, in oil on canvas …and she’s quite a formidable ‘housemate’ (as my friends who visit will know, she resides mainly in the kitchen, next to the toaster oven and tea kettle) –
I am introducing her because this image illustrates how I’ve felt in the past week/s – better than any words of mine could. And even these words slipped out of my memory-bank into actually remembering, this quote:
“It is a curious sensation:
the sort of pain that goes
beyond our powers of feeling.
When you heart is broken,
your boats are burnt:
nothing matters anymore.
It is the end of happiness
and the beginning of peace.”
… and I could feel my spirits wane and wither a bit. I only view PBS evening news and read the NY Times (few articles) and some online Euro-papers… all else would be an overload, and even with this somewhat meager info-diet, I feel as if my ‘intake’ wire is burning out and it might be only a matter of minutes before my entire ‘system’ will crash due to heart-break ache. As teenagers in Europe we had a saying whenever we heard about a state of affairs that was beyond appalling “I can’t even eat as much as would wanna need to throw up” – Bad translation, I’d admit, but I hope you’d catch my drift.
So, what’s a girl to do?
I mean, besides having a sane and civilized hot caffe’ in the morning while the sun rises?… and sitting under this tree …
In the midst of this, I also remembered a saying that I’ve read many decades ago: “A warrior must only take care that his spirit is never broken.” – Shissai
and with this rememberance, something shifted within – a simple knowing that I can not allowing for my heart to host despair. The boats might be burnt, and the heart broken over and again, and I might not be personally able to stop those severely testosterone poisoned creatures in the Middle East in their utterly atrocious rampage, but what I can do is to keep my heart free from despair and my spirit unbroken. – Of course, I do pray for Grace for this to be possible …
I can still live my life being grateful for the beauty that surrounds me, and kindness and generosity that is encountered on a daily basis. Simply: to live life simply and with dignity & kindness.
“As a bee seeks nectar from all kinds of flowers, seek teachings everywhere. Like a deer that finds a quiet place to graze, seek seclusion to digest all that you have gathered. Like a mad one beyond all limits, go where you please and live like a lion, completely free of all fear.” ~~ Dzogchen Tantra
and here another one by GBShaw: “You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul.”
Thank you for your time and attention. ~